A Push, A Candle, A Teacup

A longer than intended update.

photo by Marcel Molina

Dear Reader,

There’s a lipstick mark on my vintage colclough tea cup from my collection, a small black patchouli candle aflame wafting, and as I sit here facing my laptop, it stares back at me. I feel rather wordless. Yet here I am, pushing through the emptiness.

“This is my letter to the World

That never wrote to Me—

The simple News that Nature told—

With tender Majesty

Her Message is committed

To Hands I cannot see—

For love of Her—Sweet—countrymen—

Judge tenderly—of Me”

—-Emily Dickinson

(Sorry to break the fourth wall, here, but I’m looking right at the camera at you thinking, wow I’m so dramatic! Geez. Anyway!) 

I figured as I try to be more consistent here, I should fill my long-winded and research-heavy cultural pieces with in-between posts containing personal updates, lists even? Something lighter and easier to digest. I’m inspired here by some of my favorite substack writers, who keep it moving by touching base with their readership so generously, even (especially) if it’s short. I love getting to know an author's interior world better. Plus, writing less and saying what’s needed, that’s a damn fine skill to hone (ahem). Though in all honesty, these are the pieces I have a harder time actually posting.

In recent weeks I’ve felt somewhat tender, after the high that was my brother and sister in law’s gorgeous wedding, and the bake sale to benefit Alaa Asfour’s family.

We had fun! Photo by Erika Garcia Luna

What goes up, must come down, after all. And moving through things that are difficult, one of which is employment, feels mucky, bruising! Or the lack-there-of employment, really. Freelance work is chugging along, slowly but surely, though not much is on the docket and that is always nerve-wrecking. Freelance work, as so many of us know, is incredibly flawed and the cause of a lot of strife for us who depend on it. Alas, to remedy this, I’ve started applying to places for much needed stability, and as you might guess it’s been to no avail. 

“Ah, why should life all labor be?” – Lord Alfred Tennyson

And so I’m left with questions about my work as a writer. How do I wish to show up? How should I monetize? I know I wish to keep writing. I know, there’s so much more I long to write. But, I know I also want to have fun, as sometimes the work I do with culturally and historically driven food essays can be anchored in some seriousness––understandably so, it’s delicate. But, balance, yes?

I made this newsletter free because I fell off the wagon so hard that I didn’t know if and how I could ever come back. It felt wrong to charge folks when the writing stopped. I knew I’d need to be consistent to ever turn that back on. And for a long while that felt unattainable. However, as I’m confronted by the need to sustain myself differently, with some opportunities now off the table, I see this newsletter as having some untapped potential to be able to provide just that. I wish to sustain myself with dignity, and while doing what I love. Thus, I am considering pouring more of myself here. Sometimes, however, I really do just need the damn courage to post, especially when it’s not what folks have come to expect of my work.

The candle continues to burn, and I pick up a little bit of its sweet and musky scent. (Also, hi, sidenote: have you read, ‘In Sensorium: Notes for My People’ by Tanaïs?? Please go read it!) 

I’m reminded of time. 

It’s summer, late summer. August, originating from the Latin word ‘Augustus’ to mean venerable, worthy of respect, triumph, is burning along. There are a few triumphs here, the season that signifies ripeness is not done with us yet. For me, one is: I’ve been surprised by an incredibly kind invitation from Emmanuel Galvan from Bolita in San Francisco to partake in his and Jacob Croom’s event, ‘Ofrendas’. The event showcases Mexican cuisine with five chefs, some from the Bay Area, others from across the U.S., with live music, and a central ofrenda, or offering, themed by the season. This year I’ll be cooking alongside Maricela Vega (someone I admire greatly) from Atlanta, GA, B Loza (who I‘m eager to meet!) from Austin, TX, and of course, Emmanuel Galvan and Jacob Croom both based in the Bay Area.

It’ll be my first time contributing to a pop-up, or working in a pop-up capacity. As a homecook, I’m thrilled and nervous at the challenge. It’s been a while since I’ve even stepped in a restaurant kitchen. In true Mexican fashion, I’ll be making a hot soup for hot weather, a sopita de verdura (vegetable soup), as an homage to summer squash. If you wish to attend, here’s the link for tickets! This is happening next week, the 22nd! Ahhhh!

Another very bright spot has been some much needed portraits that were taken by my partner, Marcel, which we developed recently. I’m obsessed! Another obsession? Charm by Clairo. And today I’m especially eager for dinner to roll around, for I’ll be celebrating my dear internet friend and immensely talented peer, Alexa Soto’s, debut cookbook release of ‘PLANTAS: Modern Vegan Recipes for Traditional Mexican Cooking’!  

Anyway, this got far longer than I intended.  Sometimes we need a little push, isn’t it? To get things done. To continue onward.

I’ll shut up now (and blow that candle out).

Cheers,

Andrea